Ay Chavrusa, Ay Meesusa

If you woke up under a tree with a beard and 70 extra years in your past, who is the first person you would try to find? For Choni Hamagel (AKA Babylonian Rip Van Winkle) a man in the 1st century BC, it was his chavrusa. The word ‘chavrusa’ literally translates to something like ‘companion’- but the word communicates a lot more than that. A chavrusa is an intellectual spouse, a spiritual colleague, and a second brain. A chavrusa is a soundboard, a mental sparring partner, and a beloved spiritual archnemesis.

Choni Hamagel got his name by demonstrating that he was more stubborn than god. A terrible famine had struck the land, and rabbis were beseeching the lord for rain, to no avail. Choni drew a Magel- a circle- in the parched dust and calmly informed God that he was not going to leave the circle until it rained, which it promptly did. That’s a real chavrusa. A person who, to access life-giving rain, digs their heels all the way in, who will challenge God himself if they feel they are close to the truth. I mean this literally- even from within the strict parameters of religion, the Talmud is very clear that it is not the mandate of heaven to decide what god's will is- it belongs to chavrusas, to humans interpreting the divine word. Modern chavrusas take this further; I had the privilege of being part of chavrusas that teased apart and redefined our very belief in divinity, which blurred the lines between our traditional training and contemporary understanding.

After rubbing 70 years worth of sleep from his eyes, Choni found the local study hall and searched frantically for his chavrusa. When he was told his study partner had long ago died, he was inconsolable. He exclaimed “Ay chavrusa, Ay meesusa!” which roughly translates to: “give me my chavrusa, or give me death”. He meant it, too- he prayed for mercy and died shortly after.

I wonder if Chavrusas, and the language they speak, may be among the most significant contributions Jewish culture has to offer the world. It is a form of dialogue, of learning, of discussion that I have yet to see a close equivalent to outside of that world (One of my chavrusas sent me this fascinating example of something similar in Tibetan Buddhism- the parallels in body language and facial expression are really exciting to me. Some discussions I've witnessed in rationalist blogospheres also remind me in some ways of chavrusas, which is encouraging to see). 

The setup is fairly simple- after a lecture, the class is split into pairs of twos, like Noah’s ark- they fill the four corners of the study hall (which is also the prayer hall) in pairs. Every word of the rabbi, and the words of the rabbis the rabbi is quoting, and the words of the Rabbis they are commenting on and so on and so forth ad literal Infinitum, is dissected by two minds engaged in a kinetic dynamic, twirling around each other, assisting and suddenly striking, assisting and striking, interrupting and intently listening, in a continuous violent harmonious flow. 

Far more time is spent b’chavrusa- in chavrusa- than in lecture or any other form of learning. Who your chavrusa is far more important than who your teacher is. A chavrusa can be a friend, but he doesn’t have to be. You absolutely must have chemistry though. A bad chavrusa is like a bad marriage. In larger yeshivos, chavrusa tumults go for weeks. hundreds or eve thousands of people standing outside of the school, trying to find the right person to spend the year with, basically inside of each other’s minds. It’s a very intense, impactful time.

The bond between chavrusas could be compared to a marriage. Both couples live or die by the quality of their communication, and share a bond woven with play and passion that helps create something greater than the sum of their parts. There are even, sometimes, chavrusa divorces, which are intense and can be heartbreaking. For a student in yeshiva, your self-worth and the quality of your afterlife come down to your relationship with the Talmud, the quality of which is often determined by one’s relationship with his chavrusa. It can also lead to close friendships with people I would otherwise probably not have put the time in to really get to know, and pairing up with kids in much older more advanced classes was often extremely helpful and meaningful for both partners. If (traditional religion is correct in its assertion that) marriage is the ideal container for the holy act of sex, then chavrusas are the container for the holy act of learning.

Chavrusas also exist outside of the structured learning halls of Yeshivas and Kollels (the two most common institutions of learning in ultra-orthodox Judaism); chavrusas can be made between two friends on their own as well, and are just as legitimate. One of my first chavrusas was a young man named Chaim. He was part of a summer program in which older students would help kids like me become initiated into this style of learning. He was patient and kind, and I felt seen by him. I lost contact with him after a couple of summers until one night I had a dream about him. The dream began with losing my little brother in a mall- I was inconsolable, until Chaim appeared, consoling me and helping me to find him. He did this all night, until he knelt down, looked me in the eyes, and told me he had to go. Then everything went yellow, and I woke up. When I tried to contact him the next day, I learned he had died suddenly of a brain aneurysm- while learning with his chavrusa. To die while learning is taken as a sign of great righteousness, and his funeral was held partly in the Beis Medrash- a rare honor. I'd like to add a bit of honor to his name by remembering him here in this article. Thanks for your kindness and your chavrusa, Chaim.

High Overlap Collaborative/Aggressive Conversation styles

A story from my first year in yeshivah: one day, my chavrusa and I were really getting into it. We were shouting and pounding the tables- it got to the point where my partner chucked a pencil at my face. I ducked, and it flew over me and whizzed past my rabbi’s ear. We all froze. He sat still, expressionless, for what felt like forever. Then, a smile slowly spread across his face. He stood, beaming, and yelled, "I want that to happen EVERY DAY!". My father told me once about a time when he and his chavrusa were kicked out of the study hall for leaping from their chairs and wrestling each other to the ground over a Talmudic debate. (I carried this tradition on by creating an illegal ju-jitsu dojo in my dorm, but that's a story for another time).

I sometimes lapse into yeshivah-style dialogue with secular friends and it can be received as insulting, disrespectful, etc, but it’s never intended that way. It’s an entirely different kind of conversation, where interrupting someone is a sign of respect and collaboration. I like how Linguist Deborah Tannen describes the way chavrusas interrupt each other- she calls it  “high-involvement cooperative overlapping.” Talking as another person continues to speak is typical of Jewish conversational style, according to Tannen, and can be a way of showing interest and appreciation. She also discusses a remarkable and unique quality of chavrusa learning- the sing-song, almost manic changes in pitch and tone. “The sound of Jewish-style talk — pitch shifts, changes in loudness, exaggerated voice quality, and accent — can signal concern and empathy as well as reinforcing a shared ethnic background among Jews. Or they may put off people more used to a restrained, less expressive way of speaking." 

In chavrusa learning, pitch, timbre, tone, volume intensity, all contribute to the point being made. It is not uncommon for one or both members of a chavrusashaft to seemingly at random, burst into intense niggun- style singing, often with the eyes closed and brow crumpled. Sometimes singing is a thinking aid, other times, a kind of punctuation. In yeshivish culture, it is not uncommon for someone to respond to a difficult or deep statement or question by closing one's eyes, rocking back and forth, and humming or singing for a while.

Less Aggressive Collaborative Styles

Chavrusas are not limited to this style, though. Talmudic chavrusas are much more likely to have this sort of argumentative frenemy quality, while other styles, like those devoted to the study Mussar (ethics) Chumash (the bible), or Halacha (practical Jewish law) or Chassidus and Kabbalah, are more what you might expect two friends trying to understand a book to sound like.

All the religious women I know, know only of this less aggressive style of chavrusa (haven't asked enough women yet, but this seems to be the case). This is where the ‘spiritual partner’ term is in some ways more apt. In the case of Mussar, it is a process of both practical and philosophical ethics. Your Mussar partner can become a sort of spiritual accountability partner as well. Together, you might strategize about how to prevent yourselves from gossiping for example. There’s a mutual therapeutic element to the relationship as well as coaching, spiritual counseling, etc. In a world without therapists, chavrusa shafts can sometimes fulfill part of that role. 

My friends and I, particularly my ex-yeshivish jewbudish friends, still engage in this often, to different degrees and in different styles, all of which I adore. These relationships mean the world to me. Losing just one of them a year or so ago triggered a deep depression for me, and diversifying my chavrusas since then has brought me much joy. This writing is a result of exploring this process. I would love to see this kind of learning spread.

Next time you find yourself reading a book slowly, struggling to understand what the author is getting at, consider collaboratively reading it. Take turns, with a friend, reading it paragraph by paragraph. Keep your place with a finger, and look up from the page at your friend. Argue with them, help them understand, collaborate on notes, draw diagrams and charts together, respectfully interrupt each other! Maybe even chuck a pencil :) 

Drugs and Chavrusas

Staples of the chavrusa experience include coffee, tea, and depending on the location, cigarettes. Some chavrusas consist almost exclusively of imbibing these drugs, while others start and end with them (A common Talmudic abbreviation - צ"ע, which stands for צריך עיון ‘this requires investigation', is often jokingly reworded as צריך עישׁון - 'this requires a smoke'). Kabbalistically, I'd describe tobacco as a ‘Chochma’ drug- masculine, to the point, and helpful for compartmentalizing and drawing distinctions. My friends and I who left religion, but brought chavrusa style dialogue with us, found that to pair chavrusa with cannabis is a shidduch (match) made in heaven. A much more ‘Binah’ drug- feminine, tangential, and immensely helpful for seeing connections between old and new information, some of my favorite memories are wrapping up a chavrusa only to have it kindled again by a slew of new insights and perspectives spurred by a puff or two.

The Shadow Side of Chavrusas

Up until now, I have presented a fairly romanticized version of chavrusas, but I think it is important to address how they go wrong, which they often do. When the goal of either partner is to be right rather than collaboratively search for the truth, the entire thing collapses and becomes a real conflict. There is a dance here- obviously, no one is without ego, and there can be a healthy amount of competition, argument, and individuality in the coupling that is a chavrusashaft, but it is a delicate dance on a tightrope, and it is a long way to fall. Arguing isn't inherently negative, as I've shown, it can be enjoyable and productive for both parties, but it can certainly turn for the worst. The most extreme, almost comic example I can think of is the case of the last two Jews in afghanistan, whose arguing reached such extreme levels, the Taliban kicked them out of their own prison. It’s heartbreaking to hear one yell at the other from across the courtyard “what has happened to our friendship?”. A truly healthy chavrusa is one that has eaten and digested its shadow.

Shortly before he took his 70-year nap, Choni saw an old man planting the tree he would later wake up under. Knowing the man would likely die before he saw the tree fruit (it was a carob tree- they take their sweet time), he asked him about his motivation for doing so. The man’s answer was simple: “for those who come after me”. It can be the same with chavrusas. We will never find The Whole Truth, but for those who come after us, we will have left more of it than we found.

To all the chavrusas I've had the pleasure of learning with, thank you from the bottom of my heart. As Emerson said, “I cannot remember the books I've read any more than the meals I have eaten; even so, they have made me.” I cannot remember all the arguments, conversations, and dialectics we've had, but they have made me. Give me chavrusa, or give me death.