Some Things You Can Try When it Gets Really, Really Bad

Number 9 will piss you off

1- Understand and accept that these things won't necessarily make you feel better very quickly, then watch yourself with a subtle appreciation as you do them anyway. The frame I tend to use when things are heart crunchingly, gut droppingly, mind shreddingly dreadful is that if i'm definitely going to feel shitty either way, why not do some things that will help in the medium-to-long run?

2- Embrace the freedom of being out of fucks. If there was anything holding you back from doing things like rolling around whimpering like a stuck dog, or sitting on the floor of your shower like a bond girl washing the blood off her hands, or engaging with inanimate objects as if they were animate (violently or softly), surrender to the momentum of the typhoon of shit coming your way, harness some of it, and let yourself do taboo things you wouldn't normally do.

3- Talk to yourself. If things are, really, really bad, you are likely feeling splintered, alone, and in need of reassurance. Talk to yourself. You don't have to lie and/or say things will be fine, but if that helps, that helps. You can just talk; you can say things you already know. You might surprise yourself- when you are feeling fractured, this is actually quite likely. You might not, that's fine. Talk to yourself with a low grade intention of moving towards internal compassion and cohesion.

4- For the love and hate of all that is sacred and profane, you have got to move. This is not negotiable. Get an exercise ball or standing desk stool or balance board to use at your desk while you dissociate into the internet. Save your favorite podcasts for walks-only. Walk to the grocery store or restaurant where you buy your comfort food. Sway and roll in your bed. Shove the planet away from your body. For fucks sake, just make sure to move.

5- In addition to moving, you can be moved. Break up the crusty fascia in your body with a cheap massage gun. Hold a vibrator up to your chest and feel it interrupt or even compliment the awful patterns of terror and heartbreak, even if just for a moment. Hug a subwoofer and play low frequency thrumming sleep tracks from youtube. Trade massages with a friend you enjoy touching. 

6- Do multiple things at once. I'm not sure why this works for me, and it may not work well for others, but for some reason my brain feels like we're winning if i'm doing a thing while another thing is being done. For example, it feels easier for some reason to sweep the floors while the dishwasher is running. Try stacking the momentum of little things that have got to be done together.

7- The NOAEL- No Observable Adverse Effect Level- of L-theanine was found in one study to be 2000mg per KG of weight per day. Put simply, this means you can safely take a lot more L-theanine than it says on the bottle. Start with a quarter to half a gram and build up from there. Similarly, most studies showing positive effects with CBD were in the 500mg-1000mg range, while most commercial CBD products are sold in the 5-25mg range. What this means is you can take way more CBD than the package says. Both of these can help safely take the edge off, for many people- when actually dosed properly. You might also try magnesium glycinate, a safe kava extract, and lavender. 

8- Try to set yourself up to fall in love with something, anything, no matter how slightly. If you are even a little bit curious about something, give yourself full license to pursue it. Make orthogonal moves. Side step your sorrow. Learn, obsess, figure things out, and if you can, make things. You will come back to the horrors, I guarantee it, so when you can, follow the toddler of your mind towards shiny objects.

9- It can feel stupid at first but it's not. Most of the self-help bullshit about gratitude is true. It's insanely OP, it's a hack, it's a cheat. List loudly the things that are good. Appreciate shit out loud. Make a Buzzfeed listicle of the things that are good in your life. It can feel stupid at first but it's not. If you have any sort of impulse towards caring for yourself, including reading this list, be grateful to, and for, wherever that came from.

10- Constant self coercion in the face of internal tension is not great, but an appropriate place for some brute force is against whatever internal forces try to prevent you from spending time with loved ones, or even liked ones. Manual override. Move legs toward friends.